Lifestyle Archives - Page 6 of 15

Please stop it, it is not helping

June 9, 2021

What is the first thing that crosses your mind when you lay eyes on a person living with a disability? Empathy? Pity? What emotion crosses your mind?

People living with disabilities have continuously faced stereotypes from every social group and even their families. Although lately, the world is showing more respect towards them there are still some things that able bodied persons say and do, many times meaning well that come off offensive. The next time you come face to person who is differently abled there are things that you may want to caution your brain not to process and your mouth not utter them.

Things you should never say/do to a person living with a disability

Offering help without being asked

You must be wondering why I had to begin here but where else if not here. Naturally we are empathetic beings and more than often we shall offer help when our minds perceive that the other person is finding difficulty accomplishing a particular task. Persons living with disabilities may take time to accomplish a task but that does not mean that they cannot do it on their own. Whilst offering assistance every now and then would make life easier for them, it is actually rude to ask this person not to stress and you go ahead and do it for them. It is best for you to allow them to try out some things on their own until they ask for your help or until you see them struggling and then ask for their permission if to offer them assistance.

You are such an inspiration

Inspiration is a feeling of enthusiasm you get from someone or something, that gives you new and creative ideas. If you describe someone as an inspiration, you mean that they make you or other people want to do or achieve something. When referring to that person living with a disability as an inspiration, is this what you mean? If it not please save yourself and say nothing

For able-bodied people, living with a disability and being able to live normally must be one of the bravest things possible reason many people feel the need to tell people living with disabilities that they are inspiring or brave either in a way to encourage or just to voice out how they feel about the person’s disability.

Unfortunately, kind as it may sound, many people living with a disability don’t want to be considered brave or inspiration just because they are able to live with their disability. Unless this person has performed a task worthy of praise, you should never tell them that they are an inspiration by virtual of their existence in the typical world.

Asking what got them where they are

“Curiosity killed the cat” is one of the most used proverbs which simply refers to being inquisitive about other people’s affairs which may get you into trouble. Poking your nose into someone’s business is one of the most disrespectful thing you can do to anyone, not only persons living with disabilities. Never look at this person and dare ask, “What is wrong with you?” Of what help will this be if this person told you? Can you do something about it in the first place? So why ask anyway.

Try to imagine how you’d feel being asked about your medical history by someone you hardly know! As you get to know someone better, you might start to talk their about their disability and in most cases it comes from the person themselves but remember some people might be very comfortable talking about their disability, while others may not be, so take cues from the person themselves before indulging into that conversation.

I know someone who knows someone who can fix you

Remember the uncalled for help I talked about earlier? This deserves its own special mention. There are people who always know a wonder drug, a special physician, or miracle working pastor/priest they are willing to offer to anyone who cares to listen. Disability comes with a plethora of emotions for both the bearer and those around them, something I talked about here. So chances are that the time you come offering your uncalled for help, they have explored more than enough options many of which could have been so disappointing. Again unless asked you may want to keep that information to yourself or find creatives ways to make recommendations.

Refrain from comparison

“You don’t have to do what everyone else is doing.” – Oprah

So you know someone A living with a disability and in your judgement someone B’s disability is not as serious as the other person. in no time you find yourself saying “You are lucky your disability is not as bad as the other person“

Many people with disabilities come across this statement in their workplace, schools and social gatherings. Sometimes this statement is made as a form of encouragement in a way to tell the person with the disability that they should be happy that their condition is not as worse as the next person. Other times, it could be said to evaluate how much help someone is entitled to.

Whatever the case may be, the statement is wrong and counterproductive. People living with disabilities have varying strengths and weaknesses and should never be compared with others living with disabilities for whatever reason. Most people tend to show more compassion for people with physical disabilities as they consider their situation more serious than those with mental disabilities. It is best to never assume what someone with a disability is going through because you do not have the slightest idea what their world is like.

Talk to me normally

One person living with a disability complained that, ” It’s irritating when people talk to me as if I’m a child – they spot my hearing aids, and they suddenly think they need to revert to loud, slow baby-talk for me to understand them. But I struggle with my hearing, not my comprehension. I can ask you to speak up or more clearly if I need you to! “

While some people slip into childlike language, others feel the need to pump up the volume or start talking really s-l-o-w-l-y. However, even if the person you’re talking to has a hearing impairment, neither of these things actually help (sorry, but it’s true). It is helpful to just speak at your usual pace and volume, and make sure the person you’re talking to can see your mouth (in case they rely on lip reading). If they don’t understand, don’t repeat yourself over and over – just try phrasing things in a different way.

Always remember that beyond that disability that you see, there is a whole person and the key is in understanding disability is just a part of that person’s identity and NOT the entire identity. Let us all be advocates for our brothers and sisters. It is Day 7 of the #WinterABC2021.

Lifestyle

Parents & Guardians of children living with disabilities

June 8, 2021

Yesterday we looked at the challenges that persons with disabilities face . We got to appreciate that we as the larger community may not be doing enough to support these persons, more so the children to cope with the world in the best way possible. But I want to ask who advocates for the parents and guardians of persons living with disabilities who share this with their children on a daily basis?

It is very common for parents to cycle between one emotion to another, depending on the seriousness of the disability, their coping skills, and their support system. Some reactions we see that parents and or guardians of children living with disabilities go through include the following;

Denial

Denial is refusing to acknowledge or accept that your child has a disability. This is usually the first reaction to finding out about one’s child’s disability or deformity. Every parent faced with this challenge will first blame themselves for their child’s disability. Some pregnant women even become very depressed about carrying a child with a disability and the thoughts of not giving birth to these children or allow the children to live increase. This, unfortunately, is where some doctors table the absurd option of abortion.

When a woman is in denial of carrying a child who is or may be deformed, she also carries with herself the other probability that the doctor who discovered the disability was wrong about their prognosis of the child. As the pregnancy progresses to term, she may even still be in denial of being pregnant with a child with a deformity or possibility of one until she gives birth, and the child exhibits the signs of deformity!

Some parents get stuck at this stage and there is only one person at a loss here: the child. However, if one finds themselves in this situation, the only way to go past this stage is to discover why they are finding such a hard time accepting the news and working through all the emotions. Eventually, hard as it may seem, sometimes times with the help of a counsellor, they come to terms with it, know that their child is struggling (or will) for a reason or a while, will struggle through some life’s activities; and then equip themselves with the best tools on how to react to the changes that will exhibit as the child grows.

Anger

Anger and denial usually run side by side. Parents who receive the news of a deformity of their child become angry: always questioning why it had to be them. They blame themselves for not having done enough or not doing enough to guarantee a healthy life for their children. When the stress becomes too much, it boils into anger. This anger can be shown outwardly in form of rage or they become withdrawn because of the immense feelings of guilt and shame. Displacement of anger is one of the common occurrences we see among these parents. It expresses itself through verbal attacks on anyone who may blame the parents for their ‘unfortunate’ circumstance. It is very sad to note that during such a time, many marriages become strained and regrettably, some even result in divorce.

In as much as anger is normal and purely understandable as a way of acknowledging the injustice on your child, one should find some balance not to be carried away by this emotion. Instead, channel this emotion into advocacy for children living with disabilities’ rights, and becoming a motivation to other parents who are yet to face the same experience. Motivation should also be the source through which you become the number one advocate for your child. This may not happen naturally, however, but it does eventually. It may require you to join or form support groups.

Fear

The Advanced Learner’s Dictionary defines fear as an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain or harm. Among parents of children living with disabilities, the biggest fear arises from the uncertainty of what to expect in future as their children grow. The anxiety of how to protect one’s child who may not easily protect himself or herself sets in. It burdens a parent to know that they are their child’s only defense and protection and when they are away from the child, despite the child having grown into an adult, the child will be vulnerable to attack, mockery, ridicule and difficulty in living. Parents will imagine society’s rejections towards their children and the fear may yield them health problems, thus shortening their own lifespans.

This stage comes along with bargain. Parents begin the unending journey of hoping that perhaps they will find a permanent cure for their child(ren) and return normalcy to the family. They often involve prayer or any higher power seeking for some miracle. “Just let my child be like other children and I will do everything you want”, is an example of what that prayer may look like.

Recognising the special ability that your child has is one of the best ways to calm your fears: because, beyond the therapies and endless hospital check-ins, there is a something special in your differently abled child.

Grief

There is such a tremendous sense of loss that parents encounter when they learn of their children’s disability. This feeling is normal. When parents learn of such news about their child, they almost give up all those dreams they had for their child and this is so heartbreaking. Just like the rest of the emotions above, grief is another form of emotion that parents have to allow themselves to go through. It is best overcome when one gets a support group to journey with.

Guilt and depression

This is another emotion that I hinted on in the beginning, which parents feel and will feel in life throughout the child’s life. This, however, falls more on the mothers who often feel guilty about some wrongdoing they did for their child to be born that way. The blame on oneself can be so grave that it leads to depression.

Taking about depression, parents face continuous challenges ranging from social isolation, financial strain, outright exhaustion, difficulty in finding resources, feelings of confusion, etc. Over time, if these feelings remain and the person does not find relief, parents may fall into a deeper depression which manifests in form of insomnia, fatigue, low self-esteem, social isolation, changes in appetite, etc.

Acceptance

From the above stages of emotions, I prefer calling this stage the happy phase. At this stage, parents begin to dream again. They have gone through lots of emotions and have tasted the grief and fear; and they have processed them well enough to even start seeing beautiful attributes in their child(ren).

They will also be involved wholly in their children’s activities; they have fully grasped their communication traits and can easily understand their emotions. Life becomes as normal as it can get because the parents, the child living with the disability and their other siblings understand how things go about in and out of their homes.

So the next time you meet a parent or guardian of a child living with a disability, no that there is an unseen battle of emotions going on within that the world may never get to know about, and if you won’t make it easier for them, do not say anything to them. We are the support that these parents need to stay afloat.

To the parents that go through this daily we are sorry for not understanding where you are coming from, for the unkind words we may have said to your children forgive us. You are doing an amazing job already and my prayer is that we may eventually appreciate your efforts and be empathetic enough to make your lives little easier. May God bless you and increase your resolve to looking after these beautiful solves

Persons living with disabilities

June 7, 2021

Advocacy week; Day 5

We are already in the 2nd week of the writing magic here at #WinterABC2021 and this is a special one where we look at advocacy. We get to talk about things we wish the world could pause and reflect on to bring change and make the world a better place.

I chose to camp at the street of persons living with disabilities for this week because we are now living in times where the empathetic battery is constantly beeping to be recharged. Gone are the times when we lived as a whole, being our brother’s keeper and looking out for each other. Lately it seems to be about oneself and their immediate people. Truth is times are hard for everyone but it gets even tougher for someone who has to work twice as hard to accomplish the same task as someone else. To give you an example for context, look at an autistic child who struggles with communication having to express themselves among people who do not necessarily struggle with communication. Chances of these people being patient enough to wait for this child may be quite low.

There are about one billion people around the world with some form of disability, and 80% of this population lives in developing countries. In Uganda alone, it is estimated that 12% of the population has a disability. This is presently approximate to 4.5 million people. The proportion of children aged five years and under who had a disability in Uganda, according to a report on Persons with Disability published in 2019 titled “BRIDGING THE GAP THROUGH STATISTICS”, was 1.6 percent and 1.8 percent for females and males, respectively. In Uganda and the world over, disability is both a cause and consequence of poverty and people often face significant barriers that prevent them from participating fully in society; including getting quality education and employment. People with disabilities are likely to face more risks and vulnerabilities along their life cycle, and face barriers resulting in limited participation, such as accessing public transport, getting adequate healthcare and employment.

But do we ever think about the challenges that these persons face on a daily not forgetting the parents and guardians of these children? Disability in childhood can have a lifelong impact on a child’s physical, mental and emotional health, and their social situation when they become adults.

No parent dreams of walking into a hospital and coming out with a child who is anything less than healthy. When a child is born with a disability, it becomes a blame game between the parents, if not the two extended families. I am Ugandan; and from my background, it is common practice and norm to have a healthier child and base it on good patriarchal genes. Should the child be anything less than a healthy child, it is usually the mother to be blamed. Some people will assume that the mother must have done something wrong; perhaps sinned gravely or irked ancestral spirits. Often, her in-laws or the father of the child will ridicule her for giving birth to a child with a disability. Sometimes, they will throw her out of her marital home or abandon both her and the child. Sometimes some paternal relations may refuse to name the child, hoping that it would die and take along with it the family shame. Sometimes, these differently abled children are abandoned at their grandparents’, to keep them out of the public eye, so as to maintain a good and healthy image in society.

But in all this the biggest person at risk here is the person or child living with this disability, so let us look at the different challenges these people face with the hope that we can brain storm on how to make it better once the challenges faced are explored.

Lack of effective participation

There is limited involvement or no involvement of children living with disabilities, their parents or guardians in formulation, dissemination and implementation of the laws and policies that relate to them which leaves me thinking that there is alot of assumptions that are done on their behalf thus leaving a big void between what they could be facing and what they need.

This has, as a result, led to ignorance and ineffective implementation of the existing laws and policies for these children and their parents or guardians could enforce to cause inclusiveness.

Community misconceptions and stigma

Community misconceptions and stigma remain associated with children living with disabilities and their homes. This leads to attitudes and behaviours of neglect, isolation, abuse and marginalisation of these children by communities and families leading to increased discrimination. These children are despised by even their peers in the societies they live in. Some parents have had and continue to have negative attitudes towards such children. It is not news that parents often hide their child(ren) living with a disability and deny them their rights to associate and socialise, thinking that they are totally helpless. Unfortunately, even communities view these children as objects of charity worthy of no existence.

Inferiority complex

Because of their difficulty in socialising well with other children or people and because of their unique abilities, children living with disabilities always underestimate themselves in character and in their expression of those characters. They often think and believe that they do not fit in society, just like how other able-bodied children do. During infancy, you will often hear children asking their parents why they are not like their friends, especially when they reach an age where they can reason. This manifests in their self-pity, loss of self-esteem and failing to report human rights violations committed against them. The situation is worsened by service providers and the public who do not appreciate that to accord these children their rights is an obligation. Children living with disabilities, therefore, grow up with misery and lack social networking skills.

Hunger

It is a painful reality what children living with disabilities go through in their day-to-day lives. Inadequate nutrition at a young age prevents these children from developing properly both physically and cognitively. We also continue to see how poverty is almost inseparable from disability given that parents of these children spend a lot of their financial savings and resources trying to make these children as ‘normal’ as they believe they should have been born. Often, some lack money as a social background and cannot feed these children on balanced diets which can enable them to grow fast and strong despite their unique abilities.

Lack of community mobilisation and advocacy

This is largely because of weak institutional frameworks because of lack of coordination between Government institutions and civil society organisations of persons living with disabilities. And unfortunately, it is the children and persons who miss out on protection and who have to manoeuvre on their own or with family to ease their lifestyles. So children and persons living with disabilities need advocates for their rights, inclusion and help which is the reason I decided to make camp here for this week.

How do you think we can make this narrative different? Please share in the comment section.

Lifestyle

Food wastage

June 4, 2021

An estimated 1.3 billion tonnes of food is wasted globally annually, one third of all food produced for human consumption, according to the Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO) of the United Nations, yet despite more than enough food being produced to feed the global population, still more than 690 million people go hungry according to a report released by United Nations food agencies.

So if there is enough food produced in the world to feed everyone, how come we continue to see very many people languish in hunger and are malnourished? One of the most serious threats to the environment surprisingly we have been facing in the recent years is food wastage although it is something that many of us do not give that much thought. Put up your hand if you are guilty of food wastage, (my hand is up, if that is of any consolation.)

Why is food lost?

Some food is lost before crops even leave the farm for reasons like; farmers over planting as a way of preparing for adverse weather and in the end they get surplus when conditions are favourable; retailers’ high aesthetic standards for fruits and vegetables mean “non-perfect” produce might not even make it to the truck so these are discarded and finally limitations in post harvesting technology especially in low-income countries thus resulting in damaged produce or poor yield. Some food is lost on the shelves of supermarkets and in pantries at homes because the food expires before it can be utilised.

Since today is day 4 of our creatives week I decided to dip into my world and share with you some of the creative ways I propose food waste needs to be reduced especially here in Uganda. Here are some of my thoughts.

Donate unsold food

Very many supermarkets lose food that is unsold and yet has expired, so why does such food go to the bins when it can be donated to people that can make good use of it. This can be done through donation drives call it Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR). Let us share the surplus.

2. Turn waste into worth

The trick is making use of left overs to make something amazing so that food is not thrown away. If you have left over meat, can it be used to make meat balls? In the same line food waste can be used to make biogas that is used to generate power that can be used for cooking purposes.

3. Educate people on food safety

We need to increase consumer awareness on when food is still safe to eat and the interpretation of food labels. Public awareness and food waste education campaigns will go a very long way in reducing food waste

4. Give unused food to charity

How about we have an organization that mobilizes individuals and community, then gathers unused food from grocery stores, hotels, and other businesses and give these to low-income residents, including victims of abuse and psychiatric patients. This will not only reduce food waste but also improve food security.

5. Don’t throw the ugly vegetables and fruits

We can seek out for ugly vegetables at grocery stores, farmers markets, and restaurants and turn them into delectable dishes that can be sold for profit. ‘Ugly fruits can be used to make the most delicious smoothies and no one can even notice that the least desirable fruits were used. I need to emphasise that this does not mean we are using rotten produce, no!

Do you have any creative ways you can think of to reduce food wastage? Share with us.

Struggles of a creative

June 3, 2021

Creatives week; Day 3

Every creative can see a good photo when they see it, a good writing when they read it and much as this is a good thing, it can be an overwhelming experience for a creative who is just starting out especially simply because there seems to be a void between them and the already established creatives. The pressure to level up seems apparent yet the skills to match that good taste is still wanting causing a massive disconnect which can at times be very frustrating.

Starting out in my writing journey, there are sites I would not dare read because I felt like I would never match up to them yet I badly wanted to get even just a quarter of what they could do. You may call this a very immature response but in turn what it made me do was to work super hard to be somewhere but as well try to map out my own creative path. The thing about creativity is that it only gets better as you keep doing it. I remember reading somewhere that to write better is to write everyday until it becomes an unconscious habit. The key is in consistency. How I wish I could tell you that there is short cut but there isn’t one.

It is day 3 of the creatives week in #WinterABC2021 and today am not here to paint any red roses but to give it to you raw as it is, the struggles that most if not all creatives struggle with on a daily. Being someone who expresses themselves through creative means is amazing and stressful in equal measure.

The struggles we deal with on a daily

The inspiration wave

The wave of inspiration comes and goes as quickly as lightening. The creative process ranges anywhere from one hour to 8 months or more. If you asked any creative to show you their draft folders you will be shocked. In there you will find amazing ideas that have not lived to see the light of day probably because the wave passed before it could accomplish it’s purpose. To all creatives, inspiration will hit you when you least expect it and often times even in really awkward situations and places. Whenever an idea hits you, please feed that irresistible urge to write it down or sketch it out. Do not suffocate it because it may never come back and if it does I assure you it will be different. Have space in your phone to throw all those things, litter books in your house and do not feel guilty for scribbling away during that meeting even if it is for 2 minutes.

2. Being stuck in a stalemate

The most frustrating thing for a creative is having the urge to create but being unable to think of an idea to start or being in the middle of a project and not being able to make progress. It is the worst place to be. Another fancy way to term it is calling it a creative block. I recently wrote a piece where I acknowledged the fact that I was coming from a writing sabbatical for close to a month and part of me was guilty for it. I was overwhelmed with the encouraging messages I received in regard to my sabbatical. Some of them said things like; “You don’t HAVE to write, and taking a sabbatical is not only ok, I would say it is commendable. Please do not be driven by anything other than your passion for words. Guided by that, may the words flow in truth and impact” “Always good to take a break. Welcome back.” Dear creative, it is okay to take a break. Fill your creative bank first and then serve the dish, you cannot give what you do not have, remember.

3. Creation thieves

As a creative your world comes crashing down whenever someone takes credit for your work or steals your idea. Like I mentioned before, the creative process is amazing but at the same time stressful so when someone decides to rob you of all that hard work, it can be heart ranching and more so if it a person of authority that you can not ‘touch’. When this happens, there is a collection of emotions, first, the feeling of shock which may even getting you rolling in laughter and shortly after, the feeling of anger and disrespect and if you are not strong enough tears may escape your eyes. Find out and make use of copyright, make use of the courts of law if you must.

4. Sudden loss of work

Once I read a tale of a photographer who lost wedding footage of a client when his computer crashed. He tried to retrieve it all in vain landing him in the cells for somedays and there after having to pay a hefty sum in fines. It takes days to emotionally recover when you lose work even when you had just written just a paragraph. Losing work whether through digital or physical means can throw everything off. It helps to double save or even triple save work each time you work. Even on the cloud.

5. Dealing with criticism

When feedback turns out not to be as positive as you hoped, it stings. It feels like a hard slap in the face. It is one thing to know that the piece you created was not that great, so when criticism comes in it does not sting but it is another when you put your heart and soul into a piece only to be rejected by the consumers. It does not matter how well intentioned or helpful negative feedback it is, the feeling is nasty and waking up from that may take you a while.

These are some of the struggles I have been able to single out, please share other struggles that you encounter in your daily life as a creative.