Lutgard Musiime

Can this challenge get any easier!!!!! How I was tempted to skip this day but well oh! well, Day 7 is here of the #UGBlogMonth and we are not looking back. The task at hand is to give my best relationship advice.

Have you heard of the common phrase that you cannot advise someone in love? This is the most common justification for love being termed as blind. For the first time I am not going to give my own experience especially in love because this is one of the things I guard so jealously. For some reason, I am pretty closed about these matters but I will share some things I have learned along the way and I hope these can pass for ‘best’ relationship advice. I have to put a disclaimer though that these are things I have picked up along my ‘relationship’ journey (not necessarily erotic relationships but friendship as well as family relations.) So it may be average for some of you but if you can use it and it is of help, my heart will be glad.

1. Live in the now

I have a friend (I am sure you will know yourself when you read this) who is always concerned of what is going to happen next and sadly what will not go right. She will be getting into a relationship and thinking of what she will do if they do not work out. Living your life this way is going to rob you of the present. Whether is works out or not, enjoy all it has to offer even if it be for a week. It is worth it. When it crumbles, you will have something good to look back to. Living your life walking on egg shells is the worst feeling ever. Live in the present and make every good out of it.

2. Communication is vital

I used to think that this is self explanatory and obvious until I was proven wrong. For any relationship to survive, clear and consistent communication is important. It does not matter whether you sleep in the same house or better yet same bed, if communication is not done properly, a relationship is bound to get cracks. Now this does not mean that you are going to be calling each other every hour, but to me it means that both parties know what is going on in each other’s lives at any given moment. When you get that to become part of you then that relationship will be on skates. Imagine being in a relationship with someone and a week goes by without you hearing from each other, how is that supposed to work? A lot can take place in 7 days and it is only prudent for your partner or friend to be aware. One thing before I end this is that it is only fair not to let only one person to always lead in this communication loop. They will grow tired. Be the initiator too if you have always ‘felt nice’ being checked on.

3. Written communication is the worst way to resolve an issue

Writing a text or emailing tends to feel safe for most people who are dealing with issues in relationships because probably they are too mad to talk to the person or the other person will not pick up a call or show up to resolve the issue. My friend, this is even worse (to me). Written messages are always interpreted differently by different people depending on their level of understanding, mood and environment at the time of receiving that message. A simple message that reads like this; “Matthew, we need to talk this evening please.” will be interpreted very differently by someone in a jovial mood and another who has been stressed out the whole day at work. This is the reason that many written messages sent in the heat of the moment cut deeper than when people talk face to face.

4. Keep in your lane

The less digging you do, the less heartache you subject yourself to. I say this with so much caution because views always differ for this matter. The one thing I do not do especially when I am in a relationship is check the other person’s phone. Have I been tempted before, Hell yeah!!! but when I think of the effect, it is not worth it. Whether you want it or not, you will always find something that will raise your eyebrows in your partners phone and deepening on you self control levels, the reaction will be an undesirable one. And one thing that gets very disturbing is how to deal with it. One, you were doing something you were not supposed to do and now you want to find a way of dealing with it, the confusion and chaos is just too much to deal with, so at the end of the day it is best if you kept in your lane.

5. Pray Pray and Pray

Praying is communicating to whatever you believe in. If it is to God, talk to Him about your relationship, if you believe in a tree stamp talk to it about your relationship, whatever it is that you believe in, talk and tell them about it. Now like you have read in my previous write ups, I am a believer in God Almighty and a Roman Catholic to be specific. Journaling is one of the very many means I use to talk to my God. Now believe me, I will tell him about a guy I have crushed on, one who is being a darling, another who is being funny. Somehow when I do that, I feel I am not alone in this and I always get closure on what next. So pray and pray about your relationship even when it is still at the crush stage. (I am not sure if that is a relationship though)

Otherwise like I said relationships are a safe guarded haven of mine and maybe, just maybe I will be free enough to share that part of my life someday.