December is a happy month for so many of us including me, mostly because of Christmas or should I say holidays, but also because the year is ending. I won’t lie that this year has not been easy for many of us but there is always a silver lining on every cloud.
So this is me trying to be hyped for this season and would like to take you along so we are going to be in each other’s faces for the next 25 days. There is this thing called Blogmas. Honestly, I was more familiar with Vlogmas, something YouTubers do every Christmas season where they create content for their viewers for 25 days starting on 1st December till Christmas. Now that I know that it is legal for bloggers too to have ours, I could not resist.
What is Blogmas?
Blogmas is a season in December where bloggers make blog posts daily from the 1st December till the 25th sharing Christmas content and everything in between. This is what we will do on here. Technically this should have been sent out yesterday which was 1st December but life was happening to me and the day went by. I will put out 2 posts today at least to catch up.
Let us be jolly as the season to be is here. Should you have something you would want me to write about, (Christmas Content), please be sure to put it in the comment section and I will gladly oblige.
Tis’ the season to be jolly, so let us have a badass Blogmas
We often do not mind disability until it comes knocking at our doorstep. Everyone as long as we live is liable to interfacing with a disability at one time, either by it happening to us, to our very own, or to one we know.
In my line of work, I work very closely with children that have a disability (usually one that affects feeding) but it breaks my heart that usually these parents and guardians feel that during the course of their life, they must have stepped someone’s toe and they have to pay for it that way. The bitter truth is no one is shy of disability. Anyone like I said can interface with disability at any point in their life.
It is our duty to be empathetic to these persons, not sympathize please, it sucks but emphathetic. Today I am just here to mention that having a child with a disability is difficult, there are so many emotions at play without enough time to process them. In my book, Differently Abled Nutrition (you can order a copy here); a book I wrote for parents and guardians who have children that have a disability that affects feeding, I talk about these emotions in detail and so much more.
Get yourself a copy of this book, gift someone you believe needs it. Together we can be empathetic by sharing useful knowledge.
Dear parent, your emotions are valid
Denial
This is where it usually begins. You sit across that table and the doctor breaks the news that your bundle of joy is going to be a little bit atypical. Or your child is growing and not hitting the milestones as expected only for the physician to break the news that there will be some delays, the first ship you often the board is the denial ship.
Denial is refusing to acknowledge or accept that your child has a disability. First, there is blame apportioned to self and for some pregnant women whose child has not yet seen the face of the earth battle depression and the thoughts of not continuing through with the pregnancy increase. It is only sad that some of our colleagues in the practice only fuel these thoughts but offering the option to terminate the pregnancy. My dead one, this emotion is valid, just don’t stay there, don’t walk alone
Anger
Anger and denial are siblings who often ride together. Many times when this news is broken, you do not throw a party in your backyard. Questions like ‘why me?’, ‘what didn’t I do right?’, e.t.c run through your mind over and over again. When the stress becomes too much, it then boils into anger. The anger can be shown outwardly in form of rage or it can get one to withdraw due to the overwhelming feelings of guilt and shame. Displacement of anger is often seen among parents expressing itself through verbal attacks on anyone who may blame them for their ‘unfortunate’ circumstances.
This emotion too is valid my dear one, normal and purely understandable as a way of acknowledging the injustice that has been done on your child. The important thing here is to try and find some balance not to be carried away. This is most likely not done alone. The sad reality is that many marriages crumble at this point so try and find help
Fear
Fear is defined as an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain or harm. This is another emotion that is very common and perfectly valid. Fear often arises from the uncertainty of what to expect in the future as the child grows. It is burdensome for a parent to know that they are their children’s only defence and protection and when they are away from the child despite them growing into an adult, the child is vulnerable to attack, mockery, ridicule and difficulty in living. The imagination of society’s rejection for their little one coupled with the health challenges bound to be faced leaves parents gripped with fear.
This emotion usually breeds bargain where parents begin an unending journey of looking for a permanent cure or miracle to return their child to normalcy. Unfortunately many are ‘duped’ of even the little resources they have in exchange for empty promises.
Grief
This emotion is filled with a tremendous sense of loss that parents feel upon learning of their children’s apparent disability. This emotion just like the ones above is valid. We usually spend a lot of our lives making dreams that we would want for our children when the time comes so anything that interrupts this dream is extremely unsettling and brings with it a lot of grief. Allow yourself go through this emotion, try not to fight it, get help if it is possible but most importantly, do not stay there.
Guilt and depression
This emotion is often caused by the constant challenges parents and guardians face as they care for their children who have a disability ranging from social isolation, financial strain, outright exhaustion, feelings of confusion. Often time if these feelings remain and the person does not find relief, they can fall into deeper depression which could manifest in form of insomnia, fatigue, low self esteem, social isolation, changes in appetite to mention but a few. Valid an emotion as it is, it is important to seek help as it comes with compromised mental health for the parent.
Acceptance
Of all emotions, I love to call this the ‘happy emotion’. At this stage, the parent begins to dream again. They have gone through lots of emotions and have tasted the grief and fear, processed them well enough to know that all is not lost and they can dream again. At this stage, they are fully involved in the child’s life and activities, fully mastered their communication traits and can understand their emotions. Life becomes as normal as it can get and if there are siblings at home, they have fully understood how to handle and deal with their brother or sister. This is a grateful phase where parents are thankful for every step reached.
In conclusion
There is no definite line to demarcate the end and beginning of an emotion. They keep over lapping each other, a roller coaster of sorts and one often circles from one emotion to the other. There are always good emotional and bad emotional days, but when the good days outweigh the bad emotional days then we can comfortably say that we are good to go. It takes time but allow yourself to experience every emotion without feeling guilty. Try as much as possible to get all the help you need, but most importantly do not walk the journey alone.
I have decided to share some of my favorite recipes weekly and hopefully, someone can try them out somewhere in the comfort of their homes. Most of these will have most of the common ingredients we can easily get and also a very simple to put together a meal.
The first recipe is a darling of mine because it contains one of most favorite delicacies. I love coconut in any form ( oil, fruit or flavor) and I love chicken. So let us prepare coconut chicken together.
Ingredients
2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil or organic virgin coconut oil
Chopped onions
2 cloves minced garlic
Diced fresh tomatoes
Boneless chicken breasts, cut into uniform dices
1 tablespoon curry powder
⅓ cup coconut milk
⅓ cup water
⅛ teaspoon ground cinnamon
5 fresh basil leaves, chopped for garnish
½ teaspoon salt
Some of the ingredients to use
Recipe
Heat oil over medium heat in a pan. Add onions and cook, stirring, until softened. Add garlic and sauté for 1 more minute.
Add tomatoes, chicken strips, and curry powder. Cook over low heat, stirring, for about 10-15 minutes, until chicken is thoroughly cooked and the mixture is thick.
Stir in coconut milk and cook for 5 more minutes.
Top with a sprinkle of cinnamon and garnish with basil.
Serve with your desired carbohydrate like plain rice, matooke or sweet potatoes.
How easy can this recipe be?
Coconut chicken is very rich in high biological proteins very good for everyone especially children who are at the peak of their growth. It is also a good option for weaning children.
As a creative, inspiration can be drawn from anywhere at any time. The inspiration for today’s piece comes from an Instagram story of a digital creator I follow; Nyonyozi Prim, who has been on a journey of the keto diet, and in this particular story she happens to talk about her relationship with food. At that moment realized that many of us do not even think about it or even know there is a relationship at all yet it is a very big determinant of the quality of life one lives.
Relationship!!! What are you talking about?
Are you one of those people wondering how relationship comes to be talked about in reference to food? I am here to break it down for you.
The English dictionary refers to the word ‘relationship’ as the way in which two or more people or things are connected. Among these things can be food. I want to acknowledge that as nutritionists we have not done enough to highlight the purpose of food aside from survival. Unlike animals that eat food solely for survival, humans eat food for a number of reasons including joy, pleasure, culture, tradition, socialization, as well as survival.
The food we put in our body matters, but how we think and feel about it even matters more because it impacts our overall well-being as much. A good relationship with food involves having an unconditional permission to eat the foods that make us feel good physically and mentally. This relationship that I talk about has absolutely nothing to do with the quality of your diet or the types of food you eat, but rather how and why you choose the foods you eat.
A poor relationship to food can be problematic as one can develop harmful habits and suffer from poor self-esteem. In extreme cases, one can develop eating disorders such as orthorexia, anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating, etc. When this happens too much focus is placed on one’s weight, body shape, and/or food consumption, which may result in undue mental and physical stress. Unfortunately, it can even be life-threatening.
Understand your relationship with food
The first place to understanding our relationship with food is being able to identify the signs and symptoms when things are seemingly getting out of hand. All of these signs don’t have to be experienced at the same time but they are an indication that one’s relationship with food may be going sour. here are some that I can point out;
Eating makes you feel guilty and gives you constant anxiety.
You avoid or restrict foods that are “bad” for you.
You have developed a long list of dos and don’ts surrounding your eating.
You rely on calorie counters or apps to tell you when you’re done eating for the day.
You ignore your body’s natural hunger cues in fear of not doing your body ‘right’.
You feel immense stress and anxiety when eating in social settings due to fear of what others may think of your food choices.
You find yourself restricting and/or binging food.
A good relationship just like any other relationship doesn’t come in one click. While breaking the cycle is not easy, it takes patience, self-discovery, and proper guidance to cultivate a healthy relationship with food. Working with an experienced dietician/nutritionist or health coach can be helpful in repairing this relationship. I will share a few places where one can start but it will be more helpful if one journeyed with a health coach for lasting results.
How to cultivate a good relationship with food
Eat when hungry and stop eating when full
Every person is born with natural hunger and satiety cues. This is easily seen in children who can easily tell when they are hungry and when they are full, however as people grow, they begin to lose this ability for a number of reasons. In modern times, the diet culture has taught people to rely on an arbitrary number of calories to tell them when they’re done eating for the day instead of eating until they’re satisfied. Re-learning or practicing to listen to your natural hunger cues, proper and guided meal planning will be a good and better way to regulate your appetite and manage your food intake thereby cultivating a healthy relationship with food.
Eat mindfully
Mindful eating has become very popular when it comes to fixing people’s relationships with food. This involves eating at the moment and being fully present for the eating experience. As you eat, do away with all distractions, such as your phone, the TV, a book, etc, and take time to make gentle observations, such as the taste and texture of the food, how your hunger and fullness cues change, and your enjoyment of the food.
Learning to slow down and savor the food as you eat can help one learn which foods they genuinely enjoy and also become more in tune with your body’s natural hunger and fullness regulation. This also helps to identify the reasons for your food choices for example; Are you eating because you’re starving or eating anything in sight? Do you want to eat the food because you think it’ll make you feel better emotionally or physically or do you want to eat the latest food trend?
As you eat, you will be able to answer questions like these;
How do I emotionally feel while I eat this? Does it bring me joy, guilt, anger?
Has this food solved a problem like I may have thought it would?
Was I actually hungry? If not, why did I decide to eat (e.g., emotional eating, cravings, boredom)?
Over time, these observations can help you identify the reasons for your food choices which is a way to begin the repair of this relationship.
Mind your plate
We need to get to a place where you can have your food and not have to justify your choices to yourself or anyone else. To have the freedom to live to your food choices. Many of us are constantly giving an explanation for our food choices to ourselves or others; for example, “I’m eating a cake because I had a bad day” or “I have to have a salad for dinner because I didn’t have time to exercise.” However, in this, you allow yourself to eat food that you feel is best for you at that very moment rather than an excuse for something.
Give yourself unconditional permission for your food choices
Like we saw earlier, one of the signs and symptoms of a bad relationship with food is when you create rules around when you can and can’t eat. Many times when this happens, you’re just setting yourself up for hunger, feelings of deprivation, and fear of food. However, giving yourself unconditional permission allows one to eat what they want to eat mindfully.
Do not restrict the foods you eat
The truth of the matter is that certain foods are more nutritious than others and contribute to improved health. Still, eating a single food isn’t going to miraculously affect your health in any way either; but ascribing a food as “bad” gives it unnecessary power. When you label a food as “bad,” you automatically put it on a pedestal. Usually, people call foods “bad” when they taste good and aren’t very nutritious (e.g., high in sugar, fat, salt). Yet, as soon as you tell yourself you can’t have something, the more the body will crave and want it which develops a mini rebellion in one’s body. This is the reason why many diets get so frustrating because it is so restrictive.
When you allow all foods into your diet, you’re in a better position to control your intake, as you know these foods are always available. Instead of branding a food bad, understand its role in your diet and regulate the portions/intake. However, restricting foods and believing they’re a rarity, you’re much more likely to overdo it and subsequently enter an endless cycle of guilt.
In conclusion
Relationship with food is personal, unique, and requires regular work to keep it healthy. Although it may seem impossible to fix your bad relationship with food, it’s possible to get regain control of food. To be in a state in which food no longer controls you but fuels your overall wellbeing.
Remember that food isn’t inherently good or bad, the labels we put on it that give it that power. A healthy, good relationship with food means welcoming all foods with no restrictions, seeing the value in food beyond calories, and remembering that your value as a human doesn’t need to be dictated by the food you eat.
Taking the first step to fix a bad relationship with food may look scary and difficult but well worth it in the long run.
September is a month set aside to increase awareness of a condition that has for so long baffled scientists and until now, has no confirmed cure. This condition is called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, or simply PCOS.
Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) is a common hormonal disorder among women that is also one of the leading causes of infertility yet it remains one of the most underdiagnosed diseases in the world, with less than 25% of women with PCOS being diagnosed, according to Reproductive Science Center. Dr. Louis Chang, the MD of the PCOS Awareness Association writes that “PCOS affects over 7 million people. That’s more than the number of people diagnosed with breast cancer, rheumatoid arthritis, multiple sclerosis, and lupus combined.”
PCOS is characterized majorly by; irregular or absent periods, excess androgens (elevated testosterone and androstenedione levels), and multiple cystic areas on the ovaries.
I remember my journey to discovering that I had PCOS began after I had missed my periods for about 9 months. They were regular from their onset at the age of 14 until the age of 22 when my hormones took a turn. Although I wasn’t sexually active at that time, I did not want to take chances because 9 months without your period is a long time. This pursuit I will assure you is not a walk in the park, it takes your money, your peace, and let me not talk about the uncomfortable tests done like the transvaginal ultrasound. At one point, because of the heavy periods, I was using at least 10 sanitary towels daily for not less than 3 weeks. When I tell you your mental standing will be tried, this is one of them.
PCOS is known to present itself with infertility, heavy periods, and spotting between periods, pelvic pain during or between periods, mood changes, weight gain, fatigue, or low energy levels, excess growth of hair on the arms, face, back, chest, abdomen or hands and feet, hair loss or male pattern baldness on the head, acne, and insomnia or poor sleep.
Now unless you are familiar, this hormonal disorder is invisible, nothing seems out of the ordinary yet it leaves the bearer miserable who often time will not come out to say anything; you know why? The world has indirectly conditioned women to bear the pain, branding the one who is able to endure the most pain as a ‘strong woman.’ Most often than not, that pelvic pain, the heavy periods, you will be told that that is normal and women are different. No one often sees it as a problem because well, we talked to the snake in the garden of Eden right?
No one sees how one’s mental, physical or spiritual life is affected, constantly hoping for a miracle since up to this day there is no permanent cure, only the symptoms are dealt with from time to time.
My most recent appointment was at Bethany Women’s and Fertility Hospital in Luzira here in Uganda and I remember my gynecologist, Dr. Nsenga Joseph, a highly qualified fertility specialist taking me through the mini-lecture of where scientists have reached in finding a permanent cure for PCOS, what was previously thought to work only to find out that it wasn’t. We ended our appointment with the same thing that has been happening for all these years, dealing with the symptoms.
The dramatic weight fluctuations are frustrating especially when everyone around keeps screaming, “you have lost weight! you have gained weight!” but the control is out of your hands. Many have been labeled lazy. The inability or slim possibility of becoming a mother, making others a father, grandmother, uncle, or auntie leaves you weak in your knees making you feel less of a woman because truth is, we dread the question; “When are you going to start having babies?”
The trap is deep because many of us do not want others to worry or feel sorry so we push on quietly, burdened by the pain and constantly wondering whose son would want to be dragged into this mess if only they knew. Sadly silence does not alleviate, it only isolates.
Writing this is not comfortable for me at all but I recognize that there are many out there scared to let anyone know. We need to reach out for help because we are fighters who need each other, speak up for others who continue to suffer in silence or ignorance. Our stories will offer hope or consolation to those in denial believing that they are alone or crazy.
No, my sister, you are a fighter and you are beautiful. Just like I mentioned in this piece I wrote a while back, PCOS may be part of your story but it is not your story, it is just a chapter in your life book and you cannot allow it to rob you of your joy and laughter, it cannot dictate your storyline or define you because you are in charge of which way your life turns.
So to every lady out there struggling with PCOS, push through the pain, persevere, cry if you need to, fall but do not stay there. Positive is doable and it is possible, take each day at a time and rise above every obstacle and achieve the impossible.
Care for yourself as much as possible, continue to consume the right diet, take the medication prescribed, and exercise with utmost dedication. Do not compare yourself with others because you do not know their story and be kind to yourself. Take the opportunity to help others whenever the opportunity presents itself, Stay strong because it takes soul searching to accept the disorder we suffer. Remember your identity is not your symptoms. You are special and can be confident.
No matter what you are going through, each and every one of you is worthy of joy, happiness, and love. Be strong, you are not alone!
